Parenting styles – don’t categorise me!

Most of my posts inspirations come from Facebook, I am in a variety of groups including ones for cloth nappy parents, babywearers and CMPA support groups. Over the last few weeks I have seen an increasing number of ‘what sort of parent are you?’ type posts based upon whether your child is cloth bummed, if you baby wear, breast feed/formula feed, co-sleep, let them cry it out or cuddle to sleep etc, etc. I have witnessed arguments break out over differences of opinions or certain aspects of their parenting do not suit their overall ‘style’. Mothers telling other mothers they are doing it wrong! These types of posts are beginning to get on my nerves, why should a parent feel the need to fit into a category? Does one or other make you a better/worse parent? As long the child is happy and healthy, can you really do it wrong?

So, how do I parent bear? and why do it that way?

Bear was breastfed for 7wks, but due to his allergies he has been formula fed since 4wks old too, had he not had his allergies, who knows how long I would have fed him for.

He is cloth bummed (due to his eczema, I would never of considered it if he didn’t get so sore. Although I love it now and will cloth bum any future children too!)

Bear has a dummy, he has had one since 4 days old. He took to it well, initially to stop him using the breast as a comfort (somewhat selfishly on my part) but he continued to feed well and still uses his dummy today. I am in no rush to take it away, he finds it a great comfort and doesn’t have it in every second of every day (if it is on the floor whilst he is playing, I quietly pick it up and give it back only when he needs it)

I babywear on occasion, often during a quick trip round a shopping centre, it is easier than manoeuvring a pushchair around and waiting for lifts as well as putting the pushchair in and out of cars. I also babywear at work a lot, it helps bear go to sleep and leaves my arms free for doing my work!

We do co-sleep sometimes, more out of necessity, should I let him cry all night long, getting himself in a state and no one would get any sleep? Or should I put him in bed with us, where he settles well and sleeps for longer so we can all get rest? This is only really the case when he is poorly, otherwise he would sleep in his own bed….and YES! His cot is still in our room, with no plans to move him out soon.

If bear wants to, I am happy to cuddle him to sleep. The only time he ever falls asleep without cuddles is in the car or pushchair (with the exception of once, last week when poorly from his reaction, where he fell asleep in the middle of the living room floor). I am happy with this, he is not going to be wanting mummy cuddles forever, so make the most of it!

We began weaning Bear at 4 months (against the ‘new recommendations’). He hated his milk, which we do not blame him for doing, it is vile, and has since thrived on proper food. We switched to baby led weaning as soon as it was safe to do so as bear wanted to, he got bored of being spoon fed and wanted to be a big boy!

I do not let him ‘cry it out’ with the exception of occasionally in the car, where we don’t really have any other option (he gets way less worked up whilst travelling now he is in his ‘big boy’ seat, which is forward facing *gasp* he isn’t in an extended rear facing seat??). If he is sad, I pick him up and cuddle him, smother him in kisses and play silly games to make him smile….this does not make him a mummy’s boy wimp, when he falls, he barely ever cries, he gets back up and starts again.

He is a very independent little boy, he loves to feed himself the same as everyone else, even trying to use a spoon or fork when he can. My choices as a parent were made with me and bear in mind. I will bet that some reading this will have very different opinions to me, which I value, everyone is different and get on better making different choices, ones that are better suited to them and their child. I wouldn’t devalue their parenting because they use disposable nappies, or have sleep trained their little one or moved them into their own room at 4 months or anything else they have decided to do for their child, it is their right as the parent to make these choices. I think a little less judging others parenting skills and a little more focussing on their own children would go a long way in life. All I ask is to not be categorised as anything else, other than a loving mother doing the best she can for her child.

Calcium follow up…

Thank you to everyone who read my post about bears calcium intake, with special thanks to the lovely people on my twitter (@mummytalesCMPA)who have sent some very useful links. I thought I would share them with you all, in case they can be of any help to you:

http://www.godairyfree.org/health-info/calcium/dairy-free-calcium-chart (thanks to AllergyReporter)

and

http://wellnessmama.com/5888/how-to-make-bone-broth/ (thanks to kidsfoodallerg)

The second of these two put a smile on my face….bears daddy has been making his own stock for quite some time now as we thought it made our meals taste nicer so bear often has food which has been made with home made stock, aka bone broth. Reading the article has just spurred us on to make fresh batches for the freezer to make sure we always have some available and can use it more frequently. I had no idea that something we had been doing for a while anyway was so beneficial to bear.

The first article is very good too….it is designed for dairy free, so you don’t have to sit through lists of good calcium sources which are not applicable to bear. All the soya products are also grouped, so we can see beyond those too, as to not over load him with soya and make him poorly. Thank you to anyone else who suggested articles too, but these two I found to be the best of the bunch and most applicable to bear.

It is a response like I received following my last post that keeps me going when I doubt myself….I tried to speak to my health visitor who was quite dismissive and I still haven’t heard back from bears dietitian (who I left a message for on Monday!!) but having spoken to others who are experienced in CMPA I now feel confident that bear is getting enough calcium and don’t feel I have to feed him the same stuff every day!

Now for an update on our little bear….he still loves his new car seat, but night time trips are still proving difficult as his dislike for the dark seems to have intensified. If anyone has any tips regarding this, then please get in touch!! He is still very much teething, his little teeth feel like they are so close to the surface, just can’t seem to cut though, we think this is the reason he is sleeping so badly. He managed 3 & 3/4 hrs in his own bed last night before making a fuss. At the moment, the easiest way to settle him is to put him in bed with us for cuddles, so at least I can get some more sleep. I have been trying to put him back in his own bed afterwards, but he never stays there for more than an hr. Hopefully, when a few teeth have made it through he will be better.

During the day he is a little star….he has a way of charming all the customers in the shop (we now have a dozen that just pop in to say hello to him almost on a daily basis). We have been out for lunch and dinner this week, I made the decision to just order him his own meal off the children’s menu as they are reasonable price and I wasn’t sure how much of mine he would eat. Luckily I did, both times I ordered him a jacket potato with beans, and both times he almost finished the lot…along with a few chips or salad items or fruit off others too. We are so impressed with how well he eats now and he will try anything.

Car seat shopping!!

Today bear, daddy and I went off shopping for a new car seat. After one to many screaming/crying fits in his old car seat, making trips a horrible experience for everyone, it was time to get him a bigger one. We looked at a series of car seats and both bear’s daddy and myself had researched different ones and what we were looking for. We had already made the decision to change him to forward facing…although a lot of research suggests that extended rear facing was ‘safer’, we felt that forward facing in the correct seat was the best thing for bear!

We looked at what the shop had to offer and different prices, as many young, new parents will know, money can get a bit tight so we were unsure of what to expect and how broke we would be on our way out! We reduced our choice to 2 and after seeking advice off the very nice member of staff we made a decision….

Bears new car seat….the Graco Coast, very protective, stylish and great value for money. The guy in the shop installed it for us, and showed us how to do it for ourselves if needed, it is very simple but very secure. It has multiple reclining positions, although the picture of bear asleep was in the most upright and he still looked very comfy. Bear certainly approved, he loved looking out of the window and seeing his mummy and daddy for the whole of the journey (before his nap!)

Buying a new car seat is a difficult decision….there are a lot of strong opinions out there about various aspects of car seats but we based our decision on what was best for bear. He found his rear facing baby seat very distressing, he would get upset 75% of all car journeys and would also get even more upset if it was dark (he seems to have developed a strong dislike of the dark) as it is going to be dark for more car journeys now at least he can see us and feel some comfort.

Again, we would like to reiterate that our choice of car seat was just that, OURS! We, once again, made our decision based on what we felt was the best decision for our son.

On a dairy-free note….we discovered even more biscuits off the ‘normal’ shelves that are dairy-free!! I am on the look out for any biscuits that are finger shaped before I pick them up to read the ingredients, bear finds the shape very easy to eat! Mummy and daddy also had a cheeky trip to McDonalds today, we were very proud of bear when he was offering his fries to all the hungry people in the queue behind us….weirdly no one accepted his very kind offer!!